Saturday, May 13, 2006

Love-na enna?

Ennaku oru unmai therinjaaganum!!!! This topic is based on the ongoing fired up discussion between me and my "imsai arasi 23-aam jaansi raani" friend Shuba :P lol. The discussion is about "true" love. I am just wondering what is love in the first place! Ennaku therinchathu love is something that is selfless. Appadi paarthaal, only 2 can provide selfless love.

1) MOTHER - An epitome of pure selfless divine love.

2) GOD

1) and 2) are synonymous because of the selfless nature in them. I have experienced 1) and 2) in abundance.

But love between man and woman - huh? Is that selfless? I dont think so..I have never experienced it!! I dont think I will ever experience it - since I STRONGLY think it does not exist! Will a woman love a man - if he doesnt love her back! I dont think so - maybe, because of thaali sentiments - there would be no other way then staying around with him. Now, I may end up getting comments such as love between man and woman is different compared to mother and son! How can LOVE have 2 different meanings?? Tamil-il kaadal - paasam endru irukirathu..I want to know what is Kaadal!! If LOVE is pure, then there shouldnt be a second definition. Ennaku therinchu so called LOVE between man and woman is just mutual attraction. Something that is bodily or something that is based on certain characteristics/qualities..

If love is true, y should we always want to marry some person - y cant we accept that person as a brother or sister? When "a girl" told "a guy" that I would like to marry to you because I LOVE u, "the guy" replied back saying if you like me - then consider me as your brother - and not the other way around. The "girl" started crying! Why on earth did she cry?? Why do we want to marry someone if you "LOVE" someone? So that means "LOVE" has 2 different meanings! How can that be? I have been thinking about this question for quite a long time now? Once during a discussion about the so called LOVE between man and woman with my best friend Muthu, Muthu told me, "Arjuna, think about it - do you think you "LOVE" someone so much, that you want to marry her? Ask yourself Arjuna when ur in LOVE, y do u want to marry her??" This question got me into thinking mode! I couldnt answer it! Do I "LOVE" someone? I thought I loved everybody - because I thought love is selfless! But I could never understand that particular definition of "LOVE" between a man and woman! I think its high time, an etymologist gives a new word for the so called "LOVE" between man and woman! Intha problathala - I am not able to say "I LOVE U" to some of my friends who r gals! I have to end up saying "I like u"!


Blogger Jeevan said...

If we see the meaning for Love in tamil it is Anbu. if i tell "my loved one" every one will think that this boy was love (kathal) with some one. In tamil that meaning is "ennudaiya anbula oruthar".

If we tell to our sister I Love You, she we take that naba annan namba mella romba pasama irukkan. if we tell the same to a new girls or our Girl friend, they will understand that in different angle. ennaku tharitha varai Love means anbu, if i got love on a beautiful girl that will be just a crush, it comes form seeing her beauty.

10:24 AM, May 13, 2006  
Blogger Shuba said...

Hey...seems u r confused....mothers love is divine love...u might feel protective about your sister that protectiveness is due to a luv that im her brother....she shd be safe no harm shd be inflicted to her....but when u like a girl( not in the sister sense) then in taht caseu feel possessive on her...a feeling taht says she is yours no one shd admire her in wrong perspective and vice versa....hope u understand...the concept is selflessness...but outcomes are different

1:18 PM, May 13, 2006  
Blogger Bala.G said...

Neenga unga wife-a love pannama vera enna pannuveenga??

As Jeevan said, telling 'I love u' is different in different context.

Love panra Kaadhali life long-a namma koodave irukanumnu nenaikalam....but sister-a apdi nenaika mudiyaadhu

7:28 PM, May 13, 2006  
Blogger Radhika said...

Arjuna, I completely agree with you... The romantic feelings aka love between a man and a woman are more assoiated with lust than true love..There are always strings attached... I have always felt that the immortal lover pairs Romeo Juliet etc would have resulted in a normal not so great marraige, if they had lived and they were foolish to die for love, which was fragile enough to drive them to suicide...
I think you will be fine and well on your way to marraige if you give up on your notions of finding the perfect love with another girl...You have to be realistic, ARjuna...Dont try to find too much meaning into it and let it be..:)

8:38 PM, May 13, 2006  
Blogger Radhika said...

This reminded of a song from the TAmil movie "Meera"..
It goes like this..
Love na love, mannanna stove...
God knows what the lyricist was thinking when he wrote this...

8:40 PM, May 13, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

jeeevan - ungal karuthuku mirka nandri :)...

7:36 AM, May 14, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

shuba - thanks

7:36 AM, May 14, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Bala - I dont know whether I wuld "love" my wife..since I am not married yet :)..It depends on how she is..there is a strong possibility of a divorce too..So I am not sure abt this :) - thanks for ur comment :)

7:40 AM, May 14, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Radhika - wow well said - now here is someone who concurs with my views :)..I always thought "love" between man and woman is just mere physical attraction called Lust rather than pure "LOVE"..Very well said Radhika :)..

Regd my marriage and LOVE - as I have mentioned to Bala - there is a my intuitions always said that I wuld end up in a divorce if I get married..I dont think any gal can live with me :)..And so I am considering a pre-nuptial agreement b4 marriage! Sounds crazy? LOL

7:44 AM, May 14, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Radhika - forgot to add - infact when I tell my mother abt the divorce thingie - she gets wild - but I dont know - something tells me that my marriage life wuld never be successful..Lets wait and c..:)

7:47 AM, May 14, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Radhika - one more thing :)..And I dont except anything from my marriage either :)..So it doesnt matter :)..Wuld make this very clear to any gal whom I am marrying..Its upto her to take the risk! So I guess no gal on earth wuld ever take this kind of a risk LOL..

7:48 AM, May 14, 2006  
Anonymous karthik said...

If I may add the following text by Kahlil Gibran on marriage and love.

"Aye,you shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.You shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there by spaces in your togetherness.

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each others cup but not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous but each one of you be alone.

Give your hearts but not into each other's keeping.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow"....

The above lines are the best that I read on marriage...

Possessiveness is considered as love and is hurting people.

9:12 AM, May 14, 2006  
Blogger Radhika said...

Beautiful words by the divine Prophet Khalil Gibran... Its so nice to envision such kind of a love between any two souls on Earth..If only...
ARjuna, you seem to be pretty sure about where your marraige will head ...I myself dont want to think, that will happen to you.. but....your conviction might make it happen unless you decide strongly, not to..

4:44 PM, May 14, 2006  
Blogger thoughda said...

Hi Arjuna,

I just came across your blog and happen to read this article.

I think, no definition will make sense to you until you feel it by yourself. I agree with Jeevan, Shuba.

And I would like to Share my experience here.

/***"I always thought "love" between man and woman is just mere physical attraction called Lust rather than pure "LOVE".. "***/

This view is not agreeable for all the people. If it is more of lust, then you will end up divorcing after a short period, when the lust attains saturation.

But, Sharing everything with a person is not a simple or easy task. The most attractive person may not attract you the same way when it comes to Sharing.. Lust fails here.

I know many couples, who are married for years and love each other beyond physical attractions.. Ofcourse, it is important part of life.. But, it is not everything... All the other facts, add up... Even a small action like preparing a cup of coffee for your spouse will add value to the relationship....

LOVE should be felt and realised and grown. And for info., I would like to mention about my friend. She proposed me and I turned it down as I didn't have similar feelings and requested her to maintain the friendship... B'cos, I like her, her as a good friend. She was upset b'cos of the rejection. But later, she came up with friendly smile as ever before.

And any girl/boy will be upset when the love is turned down by the other person... It is quite human... Not only for love, even if we didn't get the bus when we wait for it... we feel upset....

11:02 AM, May 15, 2006  
Blogger Parvati said...

How did I miss coming here during the weekend? :(

I dont know what your problem is. I think that the solution is simple. Love all and marry one of them. And be committed to one person. Emotionally, because of your "parandha" manasu, you will always love the whole world and everything outside too. Marry one person and enjoy the uniqueness of the relationship of sharing every trivial small thing to big issues too like life-changing decisions, regarding money, living in which city, children and childrens future etc etc. Every relationship is unique.

Mother's love for her children is also full of expectations. If not material things or money wise, that the kids treat her / parents with kindness, love, respect, whether the parents are worthy of that or not. Unlike your mother, there are lots of mother who are very demanding of their sons especially, very selfish you name it.

So we cannot generalise. Love is one vibration and with different people the mode of expression differs - with your mother you express it with a compassion, a gentleness, a frankness because you know her life long and trust her; with your sister a different on, with your teacher there is a respect, a distance but there is too a love, with your wife, an acceptance of the differences in natures that have been all their lives in differing environments , lots of differing opinions. But bound together because of a future that is there, that has to be lived together.

I agree with all that 'thoughda' says.

I personally think that you hardly have a problem here. You have the capacity to love many people, men or women. Nobody can stop you from doing so. Your nature is like that. That is a great blessing surely, not a problem? In this narrow small mean hearted world, people such as you are hard to come by.
Marriage on the contrary should be with a person whom you have a soft corner for, whom you like and respect and with whom you feel that you can have a peaceful and joyous life together FOR LIFE. Forget about thoughts of divorce. Unless she beats you up black and blue, stick to your marriage. It is not difficult if you have a kindness and an understanding of your spouse. She is just another person. It shouldnt be too difficult.

1:14 PM, May 15, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Wow - beautiful lines Karthik - thanks a lot for these great lines :)..

8:46 PM, May 15, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Radhika - sure I wuld follow ur advice :)..The reason y I was telling my wife may end up kicking me is I am so boring - yawwwwwn :))

8:47 PM, May 15, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

thouga - great points there :)..Agreeable too :)..Thanks a lot for dropping in :)..

8:48 PM, May 15, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Parvati -

"I think that the solution is simple. Love all and marry one of them."

Absolutely brilliant lines :)) LOL..

Very good points there Parvati..No the reason y I was talking abt divorce is as I told to Radhika - I consider myself as so boring - u know that (birthday - staying home - not going with family ;) ) - I am such a unromantic person :))..So any gal who marries me wuld think what on earth is he :)..that's what I felt..Moreover, I am not a party animal or I am not some one who can be influenced or changed..So if my wife expects too much from me - then she is going to face an uphill task living with me :)..thats what I meant :)..thanks for ur wonderful comment Parvati :)

8:53 PM, May 15, 2006  
Blogger sunshine said...

Hy came to your blog. Its really nice. BTW... I would like give a comment on ur post. The answer lies in your post itself.

The word "Love" is same all over the world. Just that it takes different forms depending on the person whom you are sharing with. You cant be romantic with your sister or your mother. You can show a brotherly or motherly love to them only. I think jeevan has given a beautiful comment on this topic. Even karthik has given a very good thought about love.

I think its time you love a girl and find out what is the difference between the both. Just Kidding!

6:39 AM, May 16, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Sunshine - thanks for showing me the light to Love :)..Sure wuld try to find someone to love :))..thanks for dropping in :)

7:11 PM, May 16, 2006  
Blogger shanmugappriya said...

hey arjuna,

"Ennaku therinchathu love is something that is selfless. Appadi paarthaal, only 2 can provide selfless love.

1) MOTHER - An epitome of pure selfless divine love.

2) GOD".

yeannn ??? love between husband and wife selfless illaya ?????

"thaayku pin thaaram !" oru ammaku piraghu paasam, anbhu... wifeala than koduka mudiyum !

Munnor sonnatha ninga thappunu solluringala appo ???

u know something "kalavum katru mara" endru solli irukuranga periyavanga ! :)
so ninga love panuratha mudivu sencha ore oru advice :
"veliya irukura aalaghu ulla irukathu !" parthuuuuu ....

7:53 PM, May 16, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Shanmugapriya - no I wont accept that wife's love is selfless..thaayiku pin thaaranum sonnathey atha mean panni thaan :)..ellam verum thaali sentiment :)
Shanmugapriya - ulla irukira nalla manasai eppadi therinjukirathu?? how can u be sure that she is not acting? nallava maari nadikalainu eppadi solrathu?

9:08 PM, May 17, 2006  
Blogger வேதா said...

well very good thoughts,arjun. can u find a person who loves anyone without expecting that to be reciprocated. thats what real love is, whatever the relation maybe. love is something to be showered on all people around us. but when it comes to luv between boy and a girl, the word suddenly changes from kaathal to anbu,pasam whatever it is. i always wonder how people luv(kadhal) and marry?
so thats the ultimate goal of luv, and after that where has the luv gone? kathal kalyanathil mudiyum pozhuthu ange kathalai vida urimaikey athiga mukiathuvam kodukaapadugirathu. how many are there who luv their life partners till their lifetime. i dont understand the concept of luv and marriage.

7:21 AM, May 19, 2006  
Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Veda - well said - valid points :)

"how many are there who luv their life partners till their lifetime."

Very true - from my 28 yr experience - I have very rarely seen husband and wife being happy with each other :( - Sad reality!

7:30 PM, May 19, 2006  
Blogger shanmugappriya said...

"ulla irukira nalla manasai eppadi therinjukirathu?? how can u be sure that she is not acting? nallava maari nadikalainu eppadi solrathu? "

ohhh ! arjuna ithu ellam freea solli thara mudiyathu !
Guru class vaykuran, nalla naal and nearam parthu thadshanay kodunga !

8:16 AM, May 22, 2006  
Blogger bindhu said...

Try torturing a mother for a long time , indulge in all kinda prodigal acts and check out whether she still loves you.

Love is mutual and has to be nurtured. It can definitely die down if left unattended.

Also, I can't agree with the fact that 'kadhal' is just body attraction.

8:15 AM, May 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A player in the making.

7:50 AM, July 19, 2006  

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